You Might be a Right-Wing Extremist if...

According to a recent report by your federal government, it is quite likely that our government now considers you or someone you love to be a right-wing extremist and the equivalent of a hate group member:

Rightwing extremism in the United States can be broadly divided into those groups, movements, and adherents that are primarily hate-oriented (based on hatred of particular religious, racial or ethnic groups), and those that are mainly antigovernment, rejecting federal authority in favor of state or local authority, or rejecting government authority entirely. It may include groups and individuals that are dedicated to a single issue, such as opposition to abortion or immigration.

So if you believe that the Constitution of the United States is the supreme law of the land... you might be a right wing-extremist.

If you are against the killing of unborn babies and wouldn't recognize an emanation from a penumbra if it kicked you in the stomach, you might be a right-wing extremist.

If you believe that the 10th amendment to the Constitution (The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people) is binding law - you might be a right-wing extremist.

If you are not in favor of granting citizenship to people whose first act in coming to our country is illegal and shows that they may not be inclined to follow our laws, you might be a right-wing extremist. And you are certainly a hateful, bigoted SOB.

Terrorism no longer exists, according to the Obama administration. Instead, Obama has seen the enemy, and the enemy is you. And me. And current events could be conspiring to create more and more of us.

If you've avoided become a right-wing extremist thus far, you had better not lose your job. And if you think job is a four-letter word, you might become a right-wing extremist.

Nevertheless, the consequences of a prolonged economic downturn—including real estate foreclosures, unemployment, and an inability to obtain credit—could create a fertile recruiting environment for rightwing extremists and even result in confrontations between such groups and government authorities similar to those in the past.

Concerned about your gun rights? You might be a right-wing extremist.

Proposed imposition of firearms restrictions and weapons bans likely would attract new members into the ranks of rightwing extremist groups, as well as potentially spur some of them to begin planning and training for violence against the government. The high volume of purchases and stockpiling of weapons and ammunition by rightwing extremists in anticipation of restrictions and bans in some parts of the country continue to be a primary concern to law enforcement

By the way, if you are a right-wing extremist, you should consider meeting up with some returning veterans.

Returning veterans possess combat skills and experience that are attractive to rightwing extremists.

The economy plays a big role in all of this, our government tells us.

Rightwing extremist chatter on the Internet

That's not you - that's me.

continues to focus on the economy, the perceived loss of U.S. jobs in the manufacturing and construction sectors, and home foreclosures.

Then the report confuses me, because it starts talking about Obama's friends.

Anti-Semitic extremists attribute these losses to a deliberate conspiracy conducted by a cabal of Jewish “financial elites.” These “accusatory” tactics are employed to draw new recruits into rightwing extremist groups and further radicalize those already subscribing to extremist beliefs.

Apparently, right-wing extremists, left-wing extremists (if any such creature exists) and Obama's close friends use much the same tactics.

Many rightwing extremists are antagonistic toward the new presidential administration

If the thought of President Obama doesn't fill your soul with peace and hope and light, you might be a right-wing extremist.

and its perceived stance on a range of issues,

If you disagree with President Obama on any of a range of issues, you might be a right-wing extremist.

including immigration and citizenship, the expansion of social programs to minorities

What the hell does "the expansion of social programs to minorities" mean, anyway? Did I miss a Bush administration decision that denied welfare payments to the Micks? If you don't know what that means, either, you are definitely a right-wing extremist and a homophobe. May as well just kill yourself now and save the government some time, you bigot.

Meanwhile, Obama says America will never be at war with Islam, but according to this report war with some aspects of Christianity might be a good idea.

"(E)nd times” prophecies could motivate extremist individuals and groups to stockpile food, ammunition, and weapons. These teachings also have been linked with the radicalization of domestic extremist individuals and groups in the past, such as violent Christian Identity organizations and extremist members of the militia movement.

If you are a member of a "violent Christian Identity organization," not only are you a right0wing extremist, but you are definitely also a hate-group member. I wonder, does Trinity United Church qualify as a "violent Christian Identity organization," or does the fact that it was only Christian in the way that Olympia Snowe is a republican save it from this distinction? Why is it that the only hateful Christian church I know of belongs to our President?

Scholars and experts disagree over poverty’s role in motivating violent radicalization or terrorist activity. High unemployment, however, has the potential to lead to alienation, thus increasing an individual’s susceptibility to extremist ideas.

If you live in Michigan, the government knows you've probably been a right-wing extremist all your life, but it thanks you for not realizing it until now and voting for democrats all those years.

Rightwing extremists were concerned during the 1990s with the perception that illegal immigrants were taking away American jobs through their willingness to work at significantly lower wages.

Yep. Having perceived that illegal immigrants take away American jobs makes you a right-wing extremist. I think we've proven even our most vocal opposition readers to be right-wing extremists now. Apparently, the only way to avoid right-wing extremism is to be a delusional nutcase. Like Obama and the rest of his administration. Oh, did I type that? Sorry - must have been my inner right-wing extremist letting loose.

— (U//FOUO) DHS/I&A notes that prominent civil rights organizations have observed an increase in anti-Hispanic crimes over the past five years.

— (U) In April 2007, six militia members were arrested for various weapons and explosives violations. Open source reporting alleged that those arrested had discussed and conducted surveillance for a machinegun attack on Hispanics.

— (U) A militia member in Wyoming was arrested in February 2007 after communicating his plans to travel to the Mexican border to kill immigrants crossing into the United States.

That's all touching, but a little more concern with the much bigger problem of crime perpetrated by illegal aliens against U.S. citizens would be more touching. The Department of Homeland Security is more concerned with right-wing extremists than preventing foreign invaders, and yes, only a right-wing extremist would make that connection.

Rightwing extremist views bemoan the decline of U.S. stature and have recently focused on themes such as the loss of U.S. manufacturing capability to China and India, Russia’s control of energy resources and use of these to pressure other countries, and China’s investment in U.S. real estate and corporations as a part of subversion strategy.

Silly right-wingers. Clearly there is nothing to see here, much less discuss.

DHS/I&A assesses that lone wolves and small terrorist cells embracing violent rightwing

extremist ideology are the most dangerous domestic terrorism threat in the United States. Information from law enforcement and nongovernmental organizations indicates lone wolves and small terrorist cells have shown intent—and, in some cases, the capability—to commit violent acts.

It's as if 9/11 never happened. They are literally saying that you and I are a bigger threat to homeland security than any potential Muslim sleeper cells living in America. I don't believe I'm overstating things when I say that I have never been more afraid of my own federal government.